the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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