There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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