is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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