I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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