this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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