my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
