Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
