ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
