Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
