we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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