Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
