Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
