so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
