Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's get the cat blown out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
