Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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