During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
