I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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