We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
