Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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