yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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