Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
