mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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