I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
