tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
