I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
