My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
