She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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