just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
