Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
