apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
