Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
