I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
