just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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