This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize