I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
