honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
