I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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