I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
