i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So here I am, sexting at work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
