Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
