a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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