Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
