Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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