You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
