theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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