someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
