Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
