I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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