Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
