My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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