did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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