Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
