Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
