i permit you to call me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
