I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
