I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize