I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
