But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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