last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Randomize
