That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize