I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
