Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
