I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
