He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
