Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
