Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
