sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
