And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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