You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
